Wednesday, September 21, 2016

It isn't just happening to me.

I am staying positive, trust me I have my moments that start to drag me down but then I look at my lovely husband and admire how strong he is being through "my" diagnosis.  I know it is hard on him and he has garnered a lot of courage to have patience with me as I wait and research and try to process everything that is going on and think about what my life will be like once I have surgery.

Today I realized it is wearing on him, I know because his patience is starting to fade.....this is no and I mean NO fault of his because honestly mine has too.  The only thing keeping my mood from dropping drastically is the anti-depresant my neurologist prescribed me prior to finding out about the tumor.  It was meant as a treatment for my headaches but I know it couldn't have come at a better time to help me get through this.  My spouse on the other hand all he has to get through this are his own thoughts and perceptions of this bump in our lives.

While it is easy to think about all of the things happening to me, I also need to thank him for loving me.  I have even apologized to him for putting him through this....he tells me I don't have to be sorry because we will get it removed and move on....that might sound cold and short answered but he is right, we have to work through it and then start our lives off in a different way.

Our kids have been doing ok with the whole situation because we are staying as normal as possible, I stay strong and if we do talk about it I am very matter of fact in saying the truth to things and making sure they see the strong side of their mom not the utterly terrified, anxious and on the verge of tears mom.  I sat them down and talked to them just a few days after I found out and they asked their own questions and ultimately they both have asked to just not talk about it and I will respect that.  I do remind them if they have any questions to make sure and ask me so we can get them the answers they need but I won't push them.  They are smart and they may not understand 100% what is going to happen but honesty is key and they trust me to not lead them astray and to always be open with them.

I have been getting extra hugs and they have been amazingly obedient which tells me they are thinking about it in their own way.

I love my family and I am one lucky girl to have the support I do from my friends but the three people I get hugs and kisses from each night light the way for me on so many dark paths to help guide me back to living and loving life to the utmost enjoyment.

I will do what I need to do for me to get through this and I will also respect my loves as they go through it too and allow them to process as necessary.  Take a breath before you speak, losing your cool will not help anyone in this situation especially you!

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