Friday, October 7, 2016

Last day

Today was my last day at work.

While most people take time off work and have great feelings of joy and excitement, that unfortunately is not the same for me.....this time.  A few months ago I took time off work for a week at the lake with my family and it ended too quickly and I came back to work with a really nice tan.  This time around though a scar not a nice tan.

I was ready to leave work mostly because it was wearing me out having to focus on my job when my brain wanted to focus on what it was going through instead, rather selfish if you ask me.  I was ready to work on my self and prepare for surgery, spend some extra time with my kids and husband.  Ready to have lunch with friends and stay up late, without having to wake up in the morning and rush into work.   The problem is I am not ready for changes that I have no choice but to make.  I didn't choose to take work off until the end of January, I didn't choose to have a tumor that would cause me to go deaf.

love my work family
I was so sad to leave the office today, it was even harder to leave yesterday while most of my coworkers were there, today was a day when limited people are in the office so it was a little easier to walk out and to get things wrapped up.  This week I was treated to multiple coffee dates, lunch with friends every day and my dear friend at work made my last day a memorable one with flowers and bagels for breakfast followed by Sexy Pizza for lunch.  I received a wonderful fruit bouquet and a sweet gift from my boss along with plenty of emails wishing me the best and making me feel loved beyond belief.  My husband and I are even going to enjoy a three day get away at a cabin in the mountains courtesy of another coworker.  All the hugs and visits to my desk truly made it a good day.

There is always a flip side to everything though right?  All the kinds and love was yet again another reminder of what was happening and the forced change that was present.

Now let me point out that my surgery isn't scheduled until October 25th but I had an excessive amount of vacation to use and the necessity to clear my head.  I am thankful that I have a job at a company who cares so much for their employees.  I can't imagine going through this without their support in addition to the many friends and family so close by.  I am thankful I have the option to take time off before my surgery and to not have the stress of being out of work financially while I recover.

Most people know the saying "it could always be worse" and while I do agree with that we all need to remember that my worst is someone's "it could always be worse" - what I mean by this is that you can't always take solace in someone else's misery you need to accept that you are going through something tough and it is OK to accept help and admit that it isn't easy.  Never down play what you are going through because it is your own story and there is nothing worse than forgetting that.

I love people and being at my job allows me to be engaged with people I admire and look up to.  I am afraid of how lonely I will be get while I go through this, I thrive on people time and while my husband and my kids provide a whole other level of engagement they don't provide the level of interaction I receive from my coworkers.

I know my time away from the office will be long and that it will take time to adjust when I get back but I am already looking forward to getting back to normal albeit half deaf and a new scar.

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